Hellacious Haircut

now what have you gone and done?
you look like hitler’s amish son
after some seasons in the sun
imprisoned by a neon nun
was it kirk’s phaser set to stun?
a vulcan nerve-pinch come undone?
it seems as though you might have plucked
a nerve and now this look is stuck
a lightning strike without the light
perhaps it was an eel bite
or maybe you just caught a fright
a camera may have flashed too bright
it’s possible a roving pack
of rabid dogs advanced attack

a full-grown horde of starving hogs
mistook you for their feeding trough
and truly, i would understand
if your barber was from japan
or if he had a demon hand
entangled in a rubberband
oh, i know! this is all a joke
like on some hidden camera show
AHA! you must have lit a cig
using a bargain lighter rig
oh shoot… my bad, is that a wig
did someone zag who should have zigged

are you on drugs, that must be it
take my advice friend, try to quit
unless you fell into a pit
of ninjas throwing hissy-fits
who knows, break-dancing gone awry
you thought you were a samurai
or were you stressed under duress?
was this your mother’s last request?
could you have donated your locks?
gone undercover for the cops?
if you stopped caring i can tell
they DO have barbershops in hell!
you lost a bet and now you’ve paid
you did it so you could get laid
a camel-spider went to town
you got it at the lost & found
you snuggled with a hirsute rat
then got mauled by a shedding cat
your headbanging took a wrong turn
you left edward scissorhands spurned
the rest of you is somewhere else
you did it for your ailing health
you could have just rubbed a balloon
til so much static-cling ensued
you’re going to make me walk the plank
come on! admit! it’s just a prank

wait, what was that i heard you say?
this here is what’s in style today

why, ~silly me~, i should have known
next time i’ll just leave you alone
(cuz zombies must have eaten your brains)
proceeds to walk the other way

13 Replies to “Hellacious Haircut”

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