I Prefer Not To.
to have arrived
is to die
I have since
surrounded myself
with cut-out cardboard
reconfigured with no particular preference
staples and tape
to ward off the hatred
a color completely devoid
of vindictiveness
the windowless model is quite suitable
for I have not the time
to look up
and ahead
I am far too caught-up
in this whole “being dead” thing
oh, what a dreadful façade
[image credit: Jan Toorop]
the paradox of a promise
one cannot hold
known so well
ask not why
anxiously fleeing
leaden clouds
of dusted wake
and coerced ruination
blanketing
the black horizon
heaven, pray forgive me
nothing
but the bleakest silence
can allay these blighted days
tempting the mirrored gate
it reveals
that it is time
[image credit: Pablo Picasso]
and it was today
not knowing its meaning
not knowing why
i know that i love you.
that nothing remains
in this nomad’s world
for hands to behold
but the fleeting whispers
through eyes spent
desiccant.
i watch
immured in solitude
when laymen’s hours prohibit
with all they dared to disregard.
i struggle to make out a face
its features framed of faint obscure
ne’er could i mistake
that feeling
the comfort of your company
forever, it resides within me.
with naught but useless
power of flesh
i flounder in this hopeless muster
holding onto dust
the taste of rust upon my quivered lip
all that i do humbly ask
would you now hear this utterance
“just one simple sentiment, i miss you.”.
through these memories, i bleed
into somatic nights of static
’til our stars again align
go now
ravage every sky
that stings with freedom
whence sought of your heart’s requite
[image credit: Sadanobu Hasegawa IV]
to awaken
into death
is the dream
none dare brandish
listless, heavy-lidded
landslide
in somnolous languor
beholden to the mercy
of a cursed blink
and the blinding
of our blackest truth
laid out
to die
before us
[image credit: Francisco de Goya]
if you
kill me now
i won’t complain
i will not make a sound
i cross my heart
and hope to die
if only
in your arms
[image credit: Harry Clarke]
this pithy endeavor
shadows of dust
masquerading through time
i looked away
laughing
returning
to barrenness
the warmth
of her touch
once
insisted eternity
how quickly
it vanished
seen
through open eyes
this sand
shifts beneath us
swallowing memories
until we are hollow
devoid
of our sentiments
i still walk beside her
footsteps
in spectral snow
when all
turned to nothing
and she was no longer
and i
left behind
[image credit: Odilon Redon]
i am
overtaken
by desolate space
once warmed
by the presence
of a comrade
now absent
surrendered
to emptiness
pray not
this
vacant eve
hope
like humankind
is truly
the cruelest
if not all too usual
like a challenger deep
i could have easily
inhabited the trenches
of the great mariana
if left to my own devices
in a steady stream
of entropic existence
this, is not to say
that my soul would not
seep through the fissures
absconding to hellfire
in iron-core iconoclasm
my chosen paths
are minded with honors
and badges
it’s the acclimatization
and the stayed deprivation
that stave off the gravest of fates
. . . to be stricken
with the malignancy
of minded emotion
in the spur of the moment
to. . . argh
to, ~ f e e l ~.
for when i do
dimensions cry, uncle
as my watery ways
shear gaping rifts
through the planes of perception
. . .
i dwelled in detachment
living tortuous death
every breath a burden anew
but at least i knew~
now, time has wrought trickery
upon my soul’s dispossession
and the distance which spans
amid consequent disparity
has displaced my consciousness
landing a final blow
upon all i have known
rent by the unspent
tempestuous
turbulent
fervid
and festering
the influx of blustering
bombast so drastically
thrashing my breast
an impetuous
press against her lips
precious
all the years of my life
have always belonged
to her
this, i know
will inhabit my bed of dirt
when i greet the insect hordes
but more than just this
it was the mistle-streaked
visage since sallow and sullen
the culminating of hearts
acquiescing
a lifetime flashed before me
in that briefest of respite
much like a comet streaks
through a burst sky
only now
had its tail ensnared
the pulsating mass
fresh from my chest
and thus it was shot to the sun
in an instant
and such elucidation
diffused forces known
as gravity left me
to fall back to earth
nothing
can tell
of the ghastly descent
whence i combusted
to dust
from the old familiar sphere
of atmos and mir
thunderous crashing
i plunged into depths
the source of eternity’s tears
ever felled
in an instant
they passed through me
like ghost particles
colliding
i can no longer abide
let me now stay my tongue
take my leave
for this grievance
shall venture no more
boring all
like the sting
has bored holes
where my eyes once beheld–
let me tell
of no more
[image credit: Tess of the Storm Country (1922) featuring Mary Pickford]
i have spun this web
with words unsaid
upon a bed of sorrow
love ne’er ebbs
though in her stead
i dread to face
the wakeless morrow
broken vows of death’s departing
spoken with a silver tongue
cloaked in shards
from shattered hearts
enshrouded by the blackened sun
seconds fall at fevered pace
as life does from this land of lust
where all intentions turn to waste
and hurt is what we earn for trusting
this dream that teems with emptiness
is one I know so well
for it permeates the essence
of existence
despite how it may seem
on the surface of this shell
its reality looms ever
in the distance
the laughter that you hear
is the mirror reflecting tears
transmutated by a diligent subconscious
even when I smile
it is to subjugate my fears
in a world where judgment rules
such fools as Pontius
if I appear serene
it is only to belie
every tempest ever brimming
from within
the depth of this despair
has breached the realm beyond repair
and it’s all that I can bear
not to give in
the worst might never be
save to say this lonesome curse
will afflict the hearts of all
who dare exist
that we will never know
any truth by what is shown
the disgrace of our condition
e’er persists
Max, or Not 
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