kitten primer

if, by chance, you come across
a docile kitten, quaint and cute

be well aware, for underneath
there lies a hidden, hardened brute

where any motion you might make
could warrant your evisceration

solely by the merit
of an instinctual inclination

sure, they’re fluffy and aloof
most wonted to ignore your presence

dare not presume, like a doofus
they won’t smite you straight to heaven

those teeth might seem small and harmless
but they bear a razor’s edge

the consequence which might result
is not a bet that one should hedge

not to mention, kittens possess claws
of legendary sharpness

one false step, and you’ll wind up a charm
on grandma’s jeweled escarpment

artfully they will give chase
to flailing limbs left unattended

ankles, elbows, knees, and toes
will face a wrath not to be mended

dangling appendages will rightly face
a roughshod mangling

i advise you not to leave
your naughty-bits exposed and hanging

kittens pounce from every angle
none have yet to telegraph

and any fool who thinks they’re able
fails to comprehend the math

you plus kitten equals
an humiliated human-being

subdivided by the shame
of fates which should have been foreseen

so keep your flitting fingers to yourself
lest ye be masticated

try your best to adore kittens
whence ye can safely evade them

[image credit: Louis Wain]

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