if, by chance, you come across
a docile kitten, quaint and cute
be well aware, for underneath
there lies a hidden, hardened brute
where any motion you might make
could warrant your evisceration
solely by the merit
of an instinctual inclination
sure, they’re fluffy and aloof
most wonted to ignore your presence
dare not presume, like a doofus
they won’t smite you straight to heaven
those teeth might seem small and harmless
but they bear a razor’s edge
the consequence which might result
is not a bet that one should hedge
not to mention, kittens possess claws
of legendary sharpness
one false step, and you’ll wind up a charm
on grandma’s jeweled escarpment
artfully they will give chase
to flailing limbs left unattended
ankles, elbows, knees, and toes
will face a wrath not to be mended
dangling appendages will rightly face
a roughshod mangling
i advise you not to leave
your naughty-bits exposed and hanging
kittens pounce from every angle
none have yet to telegraph
and any fool who thinks they’re able
fails to comprehend the math
you plus kitten equals
an humiliated human-being
subdivided by the shame
of fates which should have been foreseen
so keep your flitting fingers to yourself
lest ye be masticated
try your best to adore kittens
whence ye can safely evade them
[image credit: Louis Wain]
Max, or Not 