Tag: Depression

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A Polar Divide

a polar
divide

e’er pervades

this wavering visage
of sinuous veil

the restive wrath
of breathlessness

whispering
frailty

the freeing influx
of fire’s adorning

roaring
with impassioned plea

and sordid rationale

a brashness
pent
with lunar ashes

but sooner
harken voices

with wretched dissonance
squandering
madness

freefalling
in monochromatic
disparity

distant reflections
sentenced
to toil the time

where heart’s
divergent dwell

the wells of hybris
beget weeping stone

by the lurching
of earth’s tormented
breeze

release me
to discordance

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Avoidant

avoidant
that’s what they
call it

the truth
is that i’m terrified

scared
out of my wits

afraid
of the horrors
that await

in the unknown
abyss
of uncertainty

where all of my dreams
go to die

the term
“avoidant”

to me
implies
willfulness

the only thing
i so desperately wish
to avoid

is this

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How Can I

with time erodes the roads of hope
as seconds pass without distinction
wedged between the hourglass
in retrospect, a stranger’s fiction
e’er beholden to the past
shackled by fear’s ersatz depictions
diligently deconstructed
prone to dubious perceptions
doled out in fervid procession
sold out to our indiscretion
futures nigh belie the burdens
of reflective introspection
corporate chains restrain our choices
subjugated minds and voices
commandeering our convictions
volunteering our volition
fostering the hour’s dissension
lost inside our own dimensions
drifting states of lone diremptions
kissed by fate’s unknown afflictions
wistful days of rumination
stripped of our only salvation
dripping death with indignation
listless breaths of consternation
consciously resigned enslavement
viciously maligned by deviants
clamoring to hide misconduct
how can i but not give a fuck

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Solitude’s Descent

the struggle
to release my fears
from shackled shrills
of obscene silence

pulling further
down with every second

thought since spent

vile undertows
that know me well

spell out this hell
in heavy throes
below
where phantom prose
commiserates lament

each word
wafts ever wayward
in dissociative dimensions

obscured by the illusion
borne of urgency
forgone

enthralled by conscious calls
of a conspicuous collusion

that subdivide the lies
my conscience cries
to stay afloat

that i require
the fundamental sating
trapped in spurned epistles

e’er belies
what blissfully denies
my ignorance

which writhes on
muted shores
secluded

hopelessly exiled

as i succumb
to numbness

of my solitude’s descent

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social media rant revisited

depression sets in

cyclical perpetuity prying
clawing at the prefrontal cortex

altruistic assertions abundantly articulated
aimlessly amid atmospheres of apathetic arrogance

the pittance of positive people
professing palpable parable
is repeatedly passed over
spurned, and disparaged
for the perverted purpose of pandering
to the plight of pathetically puerile opponents
to placate their pathological penchant
for proliferated pandemonium

the spirit of selflessness
and subsequent sanctuary is subjugated
by solipsistic sentiments
that seem to spread
like pestilence plaguing the soporific populace

seeking to appease
the silent sect of surrogate shamers
tiptoeing through the treacherous tumult
presaging tales of omnipresent fear
with foreboding and pale trepidation

all too typically trivialized
by tiresome talk of intolerant tripe
tailored to tantalize stolid thinkers

in triumphant tantrums of truant intellect
inflecting in facetious affectation
fostering false intent so toilsome

tempting my intrinsic inclination
to defect and deactivate
with the hope of abating this state of inundated hatred
bred into my head by the hordes

of men faceless whose faith
one can only surmise to be heedless

so, needless to say my dismay
is with relevant reason
enough to release this lost soul
into sempiternal egress

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Existential Impostor

surely

there must be some mistake

perhaps i wandered into
into the incorrect building

you see
i am quite simply not
qualified to be
here

these are neither my peers
nor my contemporaries

i am not in league
with such capable beings

there is no chance
for me
to ever hope to function
at this level

being of sound
heart and mind

this mindful awareness
has impaired me
in more ways
than i ever dare to fathom

my head
so heavy

no sooner can i
lift it from its feathered wrest
than i can
untether from this tempest
of everyday duress

it seems i have unwittingly
piqued gravity’s good will

for it bears down upon me
with the burden of all the heavens

it is such
that i must conclude
the nature of this vaunted god
is that of something wanton

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Uncoiling

smoldering tears well
 
stinging grievous rain
as quietus quells chaos
 
composing in prose
of a melting maiden’s mien
 
to drown in throes of discord
and dreams sown stoic
of woeful implore
 
e’er whorling
like galaxies bereaved of light anew
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But Here I Sit

i should probably bathe

but here I sit

i should probably eat something

but here I sit

i should probably shave

but here I sit

i should probably go to work

but here I sit

i should probably tend to my ablutions

but here I sit

i should probably get out of bed

but here I sit

i should probably live…

 

 

 

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Ode to Pills

Them: “Stop complaining! All you need to do is to pick yourself up by your bootstraps! It’s all in your head!”

Me: “?!? No. You don’t seem to understand. Some people don’t have bootstraps, some don’t have boots, some don’t have feet, some don’t have legs…”

~little pills are my pals
when my life begins to fail
and i fall off the trail
as the entropy prevails
give me doses composed
in the golden ratio
sans acetaminophen
chock full of hydrocodone
on second thought, i’ll forgo
opiates not fit for rogues
oxycontin i want now
80mg green and round
chewy bits of heaven sent
to render me relevant
granting me everything
such as basic functioning
so that i may exist
as more than a listless void
in the languid abyss
so complicitly adroit
what was one small step for a man
is one giant leap from the pits
stepping into the life
that e’er eluded invalids
for you see, pills are power
pixellated fire flowers
or a box labled POW
so that you become the now
like a Cylon equipped
with regeneration ship
like Picard on respite
in a scant Risa tunic
Larry David when imbued
as a Gentile not a Jew
it’s the feeling of the Bern
when all hope has since been spurned
for you see, it’s never just
dust one simply needs to brush
it’s depression so deep
impressing upon our sleep
where we find no escape
ever looming is our fate
wracked with pain, guilt, and fear
falling only on deaf ears
once again, i assert
though eternal is this hurt
it is such that i will
trade my kingdom for some pills~

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