i wish
i could reply
just once
and set upon
that brave new world
to bridge
this unrelenting gap
that suffers
our demise.
the echo
in the absent room
persists
with but a wistful wont
as every thought
conceivable
yet taunts me
with replies
i wish
i could reply
just once
and set upon
that brave new world
to bridge
this unrelenting gap
that suffers
our demise.
the echo
in the absent room
persists
with but a wistful wont
as every thought
conceivable
yet taunts me
with replies
stranded
between the contrast
defining the moon
a face
e’er blazoned
to man
dark
and unseen
vibrant
and garish
either
is not
what it seems
some days
we long to be killed
more than others
to save us
from spilling
our secretive druthers
in rum-soaked confessions
to loathsome ex-lovers
or nameless encounters
with strangers uncovered
shamelessly asking for help
from our mothers
whose salt stings the wounds
from the womb to the gutter
whose ruinous choices
left pagans to shudder
impetuous voicings
so flagrantly uttered
lugubrious lamentations
seethe and smother
you see
i have neither the will
nor the the wanting
to languish in suffering
ever so daunting
i rather prefer
to bestir to the coffin
and slough this infernal coil
right the fuck off then!
[image credit: Edward Honaker]
beyond
my front door
lies a great
big world
more vast
than is humanly
comprehensible
a veritable cornucopia
of prospect propitious
and liberty endless
brimming
with untold
opportunity
and infinite possibility
for me
to swiftly
and precisely
meet
my ultimate
demise

ere i walked the shadows
of a shameless life eschewed
i sometimes talked for hours
on the telephone
’tis true
attending to the inbox
which would hold my correspondence
until one day i stopped
having become too despondent
seven years have come and gone
and still i have not looked
nor listened to my messages
not even on facebook
this plague pervades
most every aspect
of my adult years
i since have lost the respect
of my family and peers
for they can’t see the reasons
nor the logic of my plight
its tragedy is lost
amid the inference of their slight
presuming that it must be
that they’ve somehow drawn my ire
some say i’m maladjusted
others think i have retired
i cannot help but panic
upon hearing rings and tones
instilling in me frantic feelings
reeling in my home
truth be told i have disabled
every last alarm
and push notification
for they only cause me harm
and should you try to reach out
with an intention to touch
you’ll not invade this redoubt
that has long since been my crutch
and if you are to know me
then you first must understand
even if you are the homie
you can talk to your own hand
fear
conforms
like a secondary
skin
of vitreous flesh
enshrouding
huddled masses
in layers
of fragile
impenetrability
like a renegade
chrysalis
invading
with masochistic
avail
inviting
every failure
to impale
verity’s parables
with
pithy
regale
fragments of lovers
burned fast
fall to ash
in this charcoaled heap
that lay afoot
this exterior
excoriated
by the nails
of their failings
but none can impale
for I only have lived
in the aftermath
of a restless memory
forged in a dream
i hazard to ponder
if love had ever surpassed
the scorching
of this insolent soul.
but all I have
beheld
is mounds of
rubble
pounding
plotting
persisting.
the sea now beckons
the sanctity of sleep
on her floor
of forgiving
through this channel of tears
from sorrows impounded
avoidant
that’s what they
call it
the truth
is that i’m terrified
scared
out of my wits
afraid
of the horrors
that await
in the unknown
abyss
of uncertainty
where all of my dreams
go to die
the term
“avoidant”
to me
implies
willfulness
the only thing
i so desperately wish
to avoid
is this
the struggle
to release my fears
from shackled shrills
of obscene silence
pulling further
down with every second
thought since spent
vile undertows
that know me well
spell out this hell
in heavy throes
below
where phantom prose
commiserates lament
each word
wafts ever wayward
in dissociative dimensions
obscured by the illusion
borne of urgency
forgone
enthralled by conscious calls
of a conspicuous collusion
that subdivide the lies
my conscience cries
to stay afloat
that i require
the fundamental sating
trapped in spurned epistles
e’er belies
what blissfully denies
my ignorance
which writhes on
muted shores
secluded
hopelessly exiled
as i succumb
to numbness
of my solitude’s descent
surely
there must be some mistake
perhaps i wandered into
into the incorrect building
you see
i am quite simply not
qualified to be
here
these are neither my peers
nor my contemporaries
i am not in league
with such capable beings
there is no chance
for me
to ever hope to function
at this level
being of sound
heart and mind
this mindful awareness
has impaired me
in more ways
than i ever dare to fathom
my head
so heavy
no sooner can i
lift it from its feathered wrest
than i can
untether from this tempest
of everyday duress
it seems i have unwittingly
piqued gravity’s good will
for it bears down upon me
with the burden of all the heavens
it is such
that i must conclude
the nature of this vaunted god
is that of something wanton
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