I Prefer Not To.
arid mist
of rhapsodic
waxing
long sought
to dismantle
the essence
only to reveal
its Gestalt
assigning
attenuous tenets
composed of pretense
to valence
resigned
but love validates
existence
through open commune
of fluid mind
with trust
respect and
shared silence
nascent intimacy
airs triumphant
while astute observation
inherently deferent
endures
for these are the matters
of consequence revered
Luna was a neurotic cat. A stunning, graceful, talkative, angling, gorgeous, Russian Blue, neurotic cat. She was my first cat. Not accounting for the numerous kittens any one of us had brought home with the intent of them becoming a part of our dysfunctional family (if you’ll pardon the redundancy). Only to have several weeks or so go by until one day my mother would announce that it wasn’t working out as she had hoped so she had to “give it back”. It wasn’t until years later in the most tragic foreshadowing of the century did we come to learn what she really meant by her ambiguous words. To my utter horror and dismay, it turned out she would callously drive these poor little innocent kittens out to some remote spot where she felt they would no longer be any trouble to her and leave them to fend for themselves. Heartlessly abandoning them without even so much as a second thought. This would be but one of an endless array of abusive horrors inflicted upon the innocent by my megalomaniacal mother’s hand. But for now, I can only digress…
Luna was our first cat together. After having been a couple for about a year and a half we knew we wanted to bring a cat into our family in spite of the fact that we were not living together at that time. It was on a typically sunny southern California day that we randomly walked into the pet store after shopping at the neighboring record shop. Situated near the entrance, was a large birdcage in which two ridiculously adorable kittens were playing with one another. Initially, we had found ourselves drawn to the black and tan striped male as he seemed vigorous and full of life whereas the other kitten was a female with a plain gray coat and seemed very timid. Though we hadn’t planned it, we agreed that it was time to become kitty parents. We had decided to go with the male but as we were just about to ask for help we noticed that the reason the female seemed so timid was because the male was incessantly tormenting her with brutal kitten ferocity. We resolved that we would have to rescue this poor girl from her abuser. This was the day we met Luna.
Once we had gotten her home and away from mister tyrannical kitty, Luna’s adorably unique personality began to flourish. To this day I have yet to encounter another animal as vocally expressive or with as vast a range of communicative expression. She would literally hold complex conversations with you and she made no qualms about stating her demands. One of her first nicknames was “angles” as she would relentlessly try to sneak in from the last direction you’d be keeping an eye on when eating any food which she so hotly pursued.
We thought it would be best to wait to have Luna spayed until she was closer to her “teens” or young adulthood. Shortly before we were planning on taking her to the veterinarian she somehow magically escaped our fastidiously tended sentry and was gone like the wind. This was a devastating period that saw Mira and I tearfully posting lost cat flyers all around our neighborhood and beyond. Just when we thought Luna was gone forever after a week-and-a-half of wandering in search of her, Luna just casually appeared out of nowhere and resumed her routine without falter. Little did we know the true reason behind her sojourn.
Over the course of the next few weeks, Luna began eating a lot more food and gaining weight. It took us longer than it should have to realize she had become pregnant. Luckily, Mira, being of keen mind, had the foresight to research the possible situations that might arise when an extremely neurotic cat is giving birth. Using the information she had found, Mira prepared a birthing kit in preparation for the big event. This included sterile scissors for cutting the umbilical cords, dental floss to then tie off the umbilical cords, plenty of clean towels and warm washcloths to clean the newborn kittens off with. Also, providing a comforting area in which to give birth. Mira had read that there are some cases in which the neurotic mother can become confused, aloof, or in extreme cases, possibly harm her kittens.
When the moment finally arrived, Mira’s insights paid off, as Luna was completely terrified and confused as to what could have possibly been taking place with her body and the goopy little miau machines that kept coming out of her. Mira and I fully assisted in every aspect of the births. One by one we tore open the birth sacs, snipped the cords, tied them off, and cleaned them up. All the while comforting Luna, who had placed her complete trust in us.
After the extremely traumatic event there ended up being five kittens. Two boys and three girls, one of whom was a runt. We named them Tiberius after captain Kirk, Linnell after John Linnell of TMBG, Ash due to her coloring and after Ash from Evil Dead, Rinoa after the character in Final Fantasy VIII, and Pixie since she was the tiny runt who we would ultimately always call Wettles, due to the odd chronic moisture issue she had during kittenhood. They were the fucking dorbsest things that ever existed and we had no intention of splitting up the family…
To Be Continued…
is it so uncouth to ask
for thee to stay thy tongue
and not disturb the black damask
enshrouding ablutions
for there exists no merit
to be found in such affronts
doth no one wish to hear it
underground nor in the sun
have we lost all decorum
at the cost of decency
to air in public forum
matters begging secrecy
instead we see the plague
of people primitively prone
to posting private pictures
posing on porcelain thrones!
pray not let us devolve
into unsavory savants
with thoughts left to revolve
around our basest needs and wants
one mustn’t attend charm school
to find value in mystique
we’ve no need to defend fools
when they’ve failed to be discreet
thus, i submit we gather
every vulgar philistine
and banish them to exile
to the isle of shrillest screams
for it is of their own accord
to wax on chamber pots
therefore we dare not spare the horde
an expeditious plot
of funerary provenance
for actions crude and crass
for devotees of elegance
i speak on your behalf
why is it
that only upon leaving
do you voice
lament
fleeting amid
sentiments
and sudden
things to do
promised hours
perish
in a flash
of wistful
alley light
scarce
your words
remain
as token trials of hope
since lost
hanging in denial
are faded smiles
and fusty
mothballed coats
in the closet
strung like latent
trysts
listless
and long forgotten
spiders get around most freely
out of sight and out of mind
fiendishly partaking in some really
questionable crimes
some are stealing errant crumbs
while others might be playing dumb
some I’ve heard meticulously
fuss over cleaning their guns
why must they be up to no good
can’t we all just get along
it just seems odd that they should
keep trying to swipe hits from my bong
weird thing is when they become stoned
spiders have a gay old time
watching episodes of star trek
golden girls and classic vines
look out though, for when their munchies hit
they take no prisoners
trust, you would prefer not to
like Bartleby the scrivener
oh my god they’re so obsessed
with watching me all night and day
every time i start to undress
i hear every word they say
maybe if they had some business
of their own i could relax
sadly it would seem their interest
is quite honed in on my back
what i mean to say is my bum
boy, they just can’t get enough
then again, it’s kissed by the sun
chiseled, and bulbously buff
countless times have i looked up
to find a spider mid-descent
typically, they hover just
to read facebook and make comments
privacy is really just a quaint notion
it’s sad to say
for spiders reign ubiquitous
over each moment, night or day
even if they have intentions
of becoming my best friend
they might at least try to mention
this to somehow make amends
as it stands i swear on my life
they won’t rest until i’m dead
how else did my set of steak knives
wind up underneath the shed
don’t you for one second think
i don’t know of their secret club
i still receive the weekly e-mail
some of which i truly love
judging from the things i’ve read
we’d hit it off quite famously
they seem to dig the talks on TED
almost just as much as me
if i wasn’t so damn shy
perhaps i could initiate
but to them, I am just a fly
awaiting on a silken fate
they’re not like their creepy cousins
building nests from human hair
spiders spin a lustrous gossamer
to weave their webbed lair
sure, at times they might get peeved
and inflict a most painful bite
this is how most spiders grieve
their spouse you swallowed just last night
follow my advice and keep that
gaping orifice shut well
you don’t want to hear all of the stories
that I have to tell
please just feel their fuzzy fur
they’re cuddly like a teddy bear
spiders rock, you must concur
you’d better, for they’re everywhere
There is no merit in insulting others
We have no need for hurtful words
harmful thoughts
or vulgar behavior
Disrespect does not gain the respect
of those one deems respectable
For every person
whom our words and actions victimize
unwittingly or otherwise
causes our consciences to devolve
until we have devised our own demise
We would do best to just confess
and take responsibility for our own past
including every prior indiscretion
For until we do so
we will be incapable of learning
the lessons necessary
for us to further evolve
It matters not
the company in which we feel free
to reveal the horrors
that our hearts conceal
for there is no possible way
of ever knowing
the personal experience of those around us
which is no less real
Regardless of how well we may think
we truly know them
We cannot afford to risk
the pain our carelessness inflicts
upon the innocent
already victimized by flagrant negligence
Lest we are compliant
as petulantly defiant accomplices
appearing as though tyrants
Abusive words like “slut “faggot”, “fat”, and “ugly”
“stupid”, “bitch”, “retarded”, “dumpy”
“sloppy seconds”, “homo”, “freak”
“loser”, “sissy”, “pussy”, “weakling”
referencing things negative
by saying that they’re “gay”
and generalizing specific groups
from which to draw negative comparison
all of these insidiously vicious sayings
cause hurt
even if you’re ~just playing~
or ~just kidding~
Such offenses cannot be excused
as though unwitting
Be the person standing tall
who speaks up for both one and all
instead of slandering these victims
leaving them to take the fall
When you spew out words like “whore”
you open up Pandora’s box
for chances are
by all accounts that someone
amidst every crowd
has suffered from a horrid fate
of which they cannot yet relate
Thier trauma once again
is visited upon them
distancing them further still
as you insist
it’s your ~free will~
and that they should perhaps just ~chill~
Well, victims more than deserve freedom
but instead, they’re shirked and beaten
Human beings perpetually defeated
by a society so utterly unfathomably heedless
Their self-denounced abusers
asserting with such emphasis
their so-called ”rights”
which they imagine to exist
which tragically intend
to place their offenses
on those who have in fact
suffered by their offenses
As though somehow it were a choice
to have had lived through tragic fates
that innately instill
horrific post-traumatic feelings
fraught with fear
anxiety, unspoken pains we cannot see
suicidal thoughts now more distraught
and all of this for what?
So you can validate your selfishness
by disregarding poignant pleas
from broken-hearted victims
who now stand to suffer
ceaselessly as they traverse
this wretched, thoughtless universe
which treats the victims as the curse
and celebrates abusive verse?
So you can feel so free
to recklessly impose your putrid ignorance
like pestilence
you seem so curiously invested in?
As if you’re being bested
by the simplest of requests
as if it inflicts any stress
comparable to the victim’s duress
upon the advent of associative anguish
by abuse-inflicted reflex?
I truly hope that your own ego
is not such that you would forgo
even basic kindness and concern
for those who you might not know
for the sake of something so absurd
insisting these abusive words
should thus be heard
by victims already dejected and unnerved
presuming that your right to speak
should somehow more deserve protection
than the human beings
most of whom would never cause a scene
instead, they keep their pain inside
while you would flaunt your shameful pride
My friend
you need to get a clue
this issue isn’t about you
I beg thee
please get over yourself
and think for once of someone else
Don’t tread upon the mental health
of victims trapped in private hell
Dare not assume to know so well
the truths of which most never tell
precisely for the reasons
that you seem to be so much compelled
to stand here and defend
until the very death
with all your will
while victims still are made anew
but all you can think of is YOU
If only you would understand
these victims are your fellow man
let me restate that
ALL WOMEN
and since you seem unable
to consider things in terms I speak
perhaps were you able to see
these victims are as close to thee
indeed of your own family
and all your friends
who plainly see your indifference
to silent pleas
from all the pain they’ve suffered through
including that since caused by you
on more than one occasion too
But with your callous caustic mouth
and disregard, you’ve voiced aloud
the pain that they must always bear
has now become a source of shame
which further stifles any hope
for their plight ever to be spoken
which in turn allows for the abuse they’ve suffered
to persist perpetually
until they’ve broken
And for now
which you have as much as acted
as a type of willful co-conspirator
If you figure this to make them somehow less
then let us put it in your terms
so you can be the bigger person
which you then can ~prove~
by showing them that you refuse
to treat them like they’re worthless
Society has ever shown
that pain and suffering not known
to others is routinely thrown aside
its victims left alone
If we refuse to stand up tall
while watching others take the fall
we truly have forsaken all
and yet we dare to have such gall
to act as though we’ve any merit
whilst diminishing the spirit
of the hurt whilst acting
as though we ourselves are bold and fearless
HEAR THIS!
If you’re to know of courage
it won’t come from the disparaging
of those who’ve bravely faced such horror
life cannot replace
and yet you wear upon your face
a smirk so smug of such disgrace
Instead of wasting so much time
perfecting mindless schoolyard rhymes
that aim to somehow thus define
your status in the social climb
It’s best if you perhaps would try
to rise above the bottom line
and speak to others
words with kindness
in your heart
not by design
nor pantomiming words so cruel
that leave you looking like the fool
who disregards the circumstance
of extrinsic experience
Of these pleas do I grow weary
for they seem to breed contrary feelings
from the heartless egos
people cannot seem to let go
Understand that any time
you place regard for others behind
your own arbitrary wants
and then proceed to poke and taunt them
it will only ever serve to reveal
your own heart perverted
when such pain can be averted
you choose simply to desert them
The courtesy of politesse
is no longer of interest
for if you hear these words and balk
then I insist
thou must fuck off!
often
we obscure our words
for fear
of truths
only they hold
unable to bear
the letters
staring back
so stark and cold
still
we must express
our feelings
lest we tend
our spirit’s death
ink
like blood
begins congealing
with every
unspoken breath
none would choose
to bear such burden
from an ivory tower
of pain
shattered tears
shall heed no warden
each and every
one the same
so it is
through words
thus written
pittances
of what pervades
dormant tales
awaiting
to be spoken
from beyond
the grave
do or don’t
it doesn’t matter
all the world’s will
yet won’t
try your best
or give up trying
don’t deny
that both are
moot
should you stay
or should you go
you shouldn’t
have to ask
to know
that
every woman
every man
and every fate
is ever damned
for love
will find a way
it’s true
to court
the death of me
and you
love is
a cancer
it cancels
out logic
we can’t
seem to stop it
from consuming
all
our minds
rarely consent
our hearts
inconsistent
its threat
ever constant
consigned
to its fate
massive ball of chained steel
poised to impose its will upon me
perched beyond the nexus shadow
aimed to strike my solar plexus
on the flash of a doorstop dime
triggered by a thoughtless notion
it drops
piercing the air like a sonic flare
barreling down the arced pathway
faster than my thought can bear to answer its undoing
and in one searing soul-crush instant
it collides with my feeble world
shattering all preconceptions
every trenchant dissociation
dispersed into a worthless pile
of infantile abandon
til all that’s left behind
is the broken child
hiding from the hideous truth
writhing in a fetal coil of feces
the blunder was to not abort
now torn asunder
plunderous distortion
but none should be so fortunate
as fervid fiends must fuck fuck fuck
fuck without a second thought
fuck until the seed is shed
what breathes alone crawls from the bed
forethought flippantly forgone
in their putrid wake of ~amorous~ miasma
an afterthought as frivolous
as latent laughter
lost inside of lust’s pacification
forced to find its feral footing
in the aftermath of nurture’s negligent wrath
a product of an act so vile
fleeting as the morning fruit fly
feeding on the rotted flesh
besotted with the tainted milk
caked in honey layered filth
cast aside for pride’s comeuppance
supple skin begins to harden
lost and unattended in the garden
of dreams dissonant
deemed a tragic waste of space
fucked in every fucking way
that fucking can’t afford afflicting
upon a seeded egg defeated
shunned the freeing of the fetus
as long as everyone got fucked
then everything should be just fine
Max, or Not 
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