sorry, not sorry

CONTENT WARNING: Tongue In Cheek, All In Good Fun, Hyperbolic Ribbing. Not to be taken seriously or personally… ‘Tis merely a “perspective study”.


listen,
I don’t wanna see
another picture of your kid
you think I give a flying fuck
about whatever shit they did!?
you must be kidding!
just because you felt the need
to procreate
does not mean
that the seed you’ve sown
is something i should tolerate
your fragile ego
might be overloaded
with your mirrored self
how dare you expect me to validate
what fate you’ve duly dealt
your kid’s not cute, adorable,
has nary any shred of talent
judging by the looks of things
you’ve birthed a Goofus,
not a Gallant
babies are just ugly
in a way that hearkens human faction
please stop posting videos
of their idiotic reactions!
can’t you see?
you’re blowing up my feed
with all your baby babble
yours will ever be
the only eye
of which your child’s the apple
it’s so simple,
ain’t no fucking dimple
gonna win me over
keep that vomitous abomination
away from my sofa!
if you’ve any decency,
you’ll cease your incessant apprising
flooding me with tales
about its glory
is just agonizing
shame on you
and all your self-indulgent acts
of narcissism
forcing something innocent
to exist in this world we live in
I thought you knew better,
if I didn’t,
we would not be friends
alas, these grave indignities
have warranted a hastened end!

 

[image credit: Louis Wain]

 

3 Replies to “sorry, not sorry”

  1. I soooooo get it, Max. I’m childless by choice and/or fortune.
    A couple of baby videos
    are cute, but enough already.
    I don’t care to see another onesie
    covered in spaghetti!
    Dog and cat videos? Now, that’s a different story. 🙂

    Like

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