Waxing Picard

Captain Picard has engaged my frail heart
with fervid impassion not e’er misbegotten
like a Soongian chip of emotive impart
breathing feelings of life into Lore long forgotten

if only we were like Darmok and Jalad
at Tenagra, i’d smite that beast with Picard’s rod
God knows, his lithe bod
scarcely draped in a form-fitting tunic from Risa
intensates his unit

i pray that a probe of Parvenium provenance
transports us both to an exile of consciousness
i could then bask in Jean Luc’s bare-skinned countenance
sans sordid scenes sorted out in the holodeck

unloquaciously dorbs as Locutus of Borg
he can make any rogue planetoid fashion hunky
with nary an effort, he’s always en vogue
“stop looking at me like i’m some kind of junkie!”

ok, i admit, i’m addicted to J.L.P.
e’er by the merited flair of his speech…
the essence of interdimensional fantasy
Temporal Prime Directives does he breach

tell Wesley he best be forestalling his mother
i know that she’s plotting a course to his heart
her past romance with Picard makes me not trust her
she’s been lusting after him right from the start

for i’ve plans to escort the Captain to Corsica
softly caressing him all through the night
i fear she might feign diagnoses to hold us up
should this occur, it will end in a fight

i do not take kindly to those interfering
especially “Dancing Doctors” with red hair
why can’t we bring back Commander Pulaski
i’d rather not worry about such affairs

of course, that’s not possible, um, like, have you seen him?
his presence alone makes my galaxy spiral
and it’s not just me, it’s the whole federation
even amongst Romulans, Picard has gone viral

i must find a way to curtail all those thirsty freaks
flaunting their wiles with such flagrant abandon
treading the path leading to my sweet Captain’s cheeks
wait till they meet my new disruptor cannon

but first, we must ban using roll-out pianos
poor Daren will have to find some other way
as for Kamala and Vash, they can hit the road
Jean Luc’s duties will not be led astray

Riker will have to step in, let him fill the hole
-self-styled cosmic lotharian flake-
i cannot fathom for him a more fitting role
straddling chairs like a Tinder first date

bravado like that could not be less befitting
when Captain Picard is the man at the helm
his crew can only be described as a pity
were he not Picard, he would be overwhelmed

like when the Borg queen drops in for a quick “visit”
that cyber-tramp best keep her tongue to herself
just tell her it’s futile then slip her Hugh’s digits
and stick her right back on the Collective’s shelf

as for uninvited guests, god forbid, Q appear
Lusting obsessively over Picard
granted, Jean Luc has a rather taut derrière
nonetheless, my stake has claimed that backyard

i know i’m not tripping
nor losing my sanity
envious, paranoid, ‘tis quite the contrary…
i once saw the Crystalline Entity ogle him!
see for yourself
it’s all there in my diary

Worf better watch it
with his “Klingon Guile”
please, like we haven’t heard that in… an hour?
and i’ll have no part of that Counselor Troi
and her dubious Betazoid ~empathic~ “powers”
the Captain’s emotions are not just a playtoy
for her and her mother, Lxawana to trifle with
though, to be fair,
well, i kinda be likin’ dat
FINE! i love Lxawana!
so there!

and boi, Geordie better look out
cause i’m onto his fraudulent visor he hides behind spying
on my property, yes, you heard me, MY CAPTAIN
think about it, have you heard back from Ensign Ro?
That’s what i thought, let’s just say, she got “caught” up
inside an eternal temporal anomaly
not that you heard that from me…

so perhaps, it is best if i did stay my tongue
after all, it’s foremost job is licking Picard…
but more on that later, at present, it’s time to run to “make it so” with him under the stars

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