I Prefer Not To.
i have spun this web
with words unsaid
upon a bed of sorrow
love ne’er ebbs
though in her stead
i dread to face
the wakeless morrow
broken vows of death’s departing
spoken with a silver tongue
cloaked in shards
from shattered hearts
enshrouded by the blackened sun
seconds fall at fevered pace
as life does from this land of lust
where all intentions turn to waste
and hurt is what we earn for trusting
wake up
just to not
give a fuck
torn
from the only place
where i have
any worth
cursed to face
isolation
without hope
for solution
in this
hypnic delusion
of my cryptic submission
cigarette-lipped confusion
fuck
it’s hard
just to type shit
this
as good
as my life gets
i can’t quit
and yet, i did
with this pill
that i swallow
maybe death
will soon follow
on a saturday morning
and she’s not in my arms
there’s a draft
slowly drifting
into yesterday’s clothes
on an old
beat-up mattress
that some rat
made its home
i had bought
a humane trap
but i can’t bear
to tear him
from his only known dwelling
because i know the feeling
in the attic of heartache
it’s a static illusion
i can’t take
much more of this
not without
her love’s solace
on a saturday
so low
with my rodent companion
i refuse to abandon
unlike her
with her hand
down the pants
of a strange man
i guess we are all victims
of a silent affliction
where we scream
but no sound comes
only numbness
of conscience
bleeding truth
in her absence
in the attic of loss
left
on a saturday
mourning
with this rat
my only friend
it’s hot outside
my heart is broken
yesterday
the news struck ground
after weeks
bound by tempest waters
ravaging resolve
her restraint
was faint at best
upon a whim’s behest
it crumbled
knowing well
the consequence
were she to sip
the spirits of chance
known to fail
my intuition
when it passed
i turned away
it was this moment
that would tear
our bond asunder
all the fire
that burned within me
now subdued
to hurt transmuted
as the bead of sweat
gathers to fall
in the periphery
from the black rimmed glasses
perched upon my face askew
also, does a tear lamenting
sent from realms
of shuttered pain
sweltering
as sorrow rings the sting
within this vacant stare
trained upon that shattered moment
shone to show her disregard
that she would allow
for all this
broken boundaries
words misspoken
token of her heart’s reflection
Max, or Not 