writhing pit
of wretched wallow
all-consuming ache
wracks my will
as arctic waters take me
fruit forbidden
from the tree
that bears the cure
for this disease
sits treasonously low
on lurid branches
calling from the distant skies
a song belying known convention
vies for my attention
as i fall mute
tunneling through drudge
to reach the bottom
breaking through the barrel
let me not again
witness the sun
I wrote this song for someone very close to me when their mother passed at a young age from a terminal condition. I’m not very adept at engineering sound so you’ll have to excuse the crude quality of the recording.
https://soundcloud.com/polar_division/polar-division-what-she-said
“train ticket to another world
but she don’t know where to go
the truth was something
that we did not know
oh tell me now
standing in the field one day
thoughts rolled through my head
and i remember something that she said
she told me that life’s a lie
she showed me the reason why
she showed me the other side of life
and as i heard what she said
as her words filled my head
i began to see where they led
but instead…
i remember looking back
on the things we used to do
back then when i was a kid
and she was still one too
she used to always say to me
that one day she would rise
never once stood back
to even try to realize
as i think and look back now
you know it makes me wonder how
she’d always stand outside in the rain
then i knew exactly why
said she’d never leave my side
then late one night she died
and i cried”
*EDIT – Bonus Angry Samoan’s cover
https://soundcloud.com/polar_division/polar-division-lost-highway-angry-samoans-cover
“no no no, i need a place to stay
no no no, i need another day
my soul is lost, it’s lost its way
it’s been living in this lost
this lost highway
the night gets darker now
i’m cold and all alone
i took a turn in this life somehow
i’ll never find my way back home
i don’t know
i can’t tell you, girl
what i’ve seen there
the demon spawn with bulging eyes
the devil living in disguise
he’s in this world, he’s here today
he’s been living in this lost
this lost highway”
there are no words
left to summon
once the mind surrenders reason
hearts succumb
in paper prisons
pining to be freed from treason
in this realm
of false ideals
we gaily taunt such daunting perils
sipping poison from the petals
trapped in penned epistles puerile
peppering the pages
ghostly voices
neither here
nor there
staring off into the wintry
void of whims most cavalier
waiting on a stranger’s rescue
with a somber song in tow
onward, through the shrouded garden
guided by a light unknown
vision hindered by such tender words
arrived from worlds away
crafted with astute precision
love inferred by lone hearts splayed
risking all despite the chance
of falling into false endeavor
blighted by promised romance
a fool is naught but fraught forever
so many
seem so interested
in that which they imagine
would submit
to their control
well
please know
i do not
say this lightly
but
perhaps
you should
control yourself
by letting others go
time itself
has given up the ghost
muted
on a pagan plane
as plain as pain’s appeal
gone are days
and nights
chasing the giant’s
vast display
surrendered to a sermon
of arbitrary refute
what was once a spectrum
of polar prismatic flourishing
has long since vanished
banished by the goddess
of the moon
spirited away
with my existence
in a haze
of persistent clouds
of miasmic dismay
in disarray
when i heard you speak
the truth of all the ages
came and went
as every ounce of my kingdom
collapsed before the wincing stars
now
is not the time
for stories
time have yet
to make anew
life depends
upon its glory
we must live
to see it through
take no single breath
for granted
walk the line
into the fire
tend the seeds
whence love had planted
lest exile
begets expire
with all that we may stand to gain
or lose
upon a single breath
prudence yet eludes
our voice of truth
flaunting our pathologies
solicitudes become us
highwaymen who strum
submissive hearts
creatures born of covetous
convinced by vaporous conviction
candy coated candor
with a cracker jack surprise
desiccated eyes
no longer fit
to hold this thin disguise
rolling to reveal a hollow head
where tears unshed yet hide
let the earthen bounty
be your pillow
as the balsam breeze
tucks you in its whispered lull
tonight
our frailty
is forgiven
heaven dare not fathom
to assail us
whence we lay
its offerings
are present
for the taking
as prismed apparitions
through shifting crypts of time
searching for the shadow
of forgiveness
where folding stars
outstare the eye of jupiter
death is but a fear unsound
thought traps within
the silent walls that bind us
stepping through
eternal mirrors
on journeys shared as one
‘neath these precious suns
of stoic tempest flare
i feel the twinging
prickled flesh
as my skin begins
to make its presence known
my eyes wince with tightness
nascent wells
of shame’s dissent
have spent their might
faint with fight
resisting moments worn
on sleeves unseen
pray let me release them
the pools of fetid water
long since gathered
in the basin
of this abandoned basement
hoarded piles of horror denied
dormant trials left love unspoken
musted stains on coiling cardboard
hewn and ragged
strewn atop bedraggled
debris and bristled sheddings
shifting eyes peer through
the flooring
from rotting foundation
mottled with blackened mold
unfolding with dim memories
describing strangers faces beaming
in a flash of crimson sun
who crashed and burned the bridges
division spurning mounds of trash
defiled by rats of sentimental mindset
the wasted lives
sustain their freedom
sinking into ashen sand
lament laid on a bed of dross
dossing down in remnants of disaster
as festering anguish
dares to breach the surface
but its reach is aimless
its will, exhausted
my soul accosted by the albatross
with a bitter sting of remorse
but the truth of it all
bares some detached part of my resolve
maintaining a disparity
with such apathetic fervor
wanting to possess
anything of scant meaning
but dreams no longer save me
from my fevered nightmare
and quite frankly
i just don’t give a flying fuck
my gentle heart was plucked
and plundered
by a band of mirrored thieves
so eerily familiar
as i watched them from my static wrest
their silent footfalls
caved my chest in
each one waded in procession
armed with barbed sticks
trudging off with
my one and only
last possession
wistfully crossing over
the crystalline precipice
through the gift
of an angel’s clement kiss
Max, or Not 
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