Category: Heartache

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Relevant Rant

will we ever see beyond the trees
into the forest of illusions
set before us by ourselves
or are we simply at a loss
to bear this burden?

certainly, such implication
complicates the inferences
alluding to this state of indignation
which perpetuates the presence
of my acute consternation

do the constellations hold the key
unlocking unknown doors
to worlds beyond the chaos of existence?

is this counsel, self-contained
a crux which cancels itself out
a crutch our conscience uses
to ensconce us?

every question seems to touch
the realm of truth secluded
which eludes even those perspicacious
erring on most prudent

dedicated students of the mind
have yet to find an explanation
which defines our cosmic purpose

exponentially, our ponderance compounds
without exception
thereby instilling an exigence
unduly excess

we have set the boundaries
far beyond our wildest expectations
to the point of courting disappointment

with our inclination to usurp
our self-appointed power surreptitiously
supposing precedents unseen
which seem to propagate our dreams
so many silently believe

bereaving us of freedoms
rife with possibility
which would inspire community
instead of spurning hope for peace

sapience and salience
presumed part of our “sentience”
are scarcely exercised
or altogether compromised
despite the catastrophic impact
of our calculated actions
we continue on this fervid course
of forced dissociation

refusing to disseminate
the knowledge which facilitates
a self-sufficiency
that would, in turn, sustain society
without burning the bridges
to the people in positions
of imposed disparity based on factors
beyond their person

the irony is so profane
exceeding that which is insane
in fact, it’s that which only fools
would dare to claim not criminal

the truth of this reality
that humankind just cannot see
is every human stands to gain
when selfish hands release the reins
that led us all into substain

instead, with what we’ve stood to learn
so easily could we discern
that only through consideration
of each other, and each station
intrinsic within our being
can we truly attain freedom

kindness is not just a word
nor is it a notion absurd

it IS what all of us deserve

without it
there is only hurt

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For All I Know

sitting
watching
waiting

get me
the fuck
out of here

how many hours
must i spend

until this hell
is over

and even then
it might not
truly end

for all i know

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What She Said

I wrote this song for someone very close to me when their mother passed at a young age from a terminal condition. I’m not very adept at engineering sound so you’ll have to excuse the crude quality of the recording.

https://soundcloud.com/polar_division/polar-division-what-she-said

“train ticket to another world
but she don’t know where to go
the truth was something
that we did not know
oh tell me now

standing in the field one day
thoughts rolled through my head
and i remember something that she said

she told me that life’s a lie
she showed me the reason why
she showed me the other side of life

and as i heard what she said
as her words filled my head
i began to see where they led
but instead…

i remember looking back
on the things we used to do
back then when i was a kid
and she was still one too

she used to always say to me
that one day she would rise
never once stood back
to even try to realize

as i think and look back now
you know it makes me wonder how
she’d always stand outside in the rain

then i knew exactly why
said she’d never leave my side
then late one night she died
and i cried”

*EDIT – Bonus Angry Samoan’s cover

https://soundcloud.com/polar_division/polar-division-lost-highway-angry-samoans-cover

“no no no, i need a place to stay
no no no, i need another day

my soul is lost, it’s lost its way
it’s been living in this lost
this lost highway

the night gets darker now
i’m cold and all alone
i took a turn in this life somehow
i’ll never find my way back home

i don’t know
i can’t tell you, girl
what i’ve seen there

the demon spawn with bulging eyes
the devil living in disguise
he’s in this world, he’s here today
he’s been living in this lost
this lost highway”

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Furtive Moons

there are only so many metaphors
that serve to justify this pain
so many words
chewed up
and spit back out
onto surfaces
whose purpose
carries all burdens

these feelings are like water
journeying alone
in a fearless freefall
crashing into the earth below
to join the fates
that all have known

still, each fragment
leaves its mark
for others to embark upon
in the hour
of our exodus to exile

the skies belong to one
as one to all
as life itself
bleeds into the eyes
at the horizon

we take our tragic pittance
wrought from anguish
each within the alchemy intrinsic
to their own

to spin the loom
and weave majestic tapestries
of triumph
to share the secrets
intimately held
by furtive moons

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Accursed Ring

i have worn
this banded armor
shorn away
by silent toll

even now
in days diminished
erstwhile sentiments yet hold

idle hands
have stayed my purpose
vice allays
the spirit’s wake

tears erode
this pallid surface
worthless feelings
ne’er abate

dulling
from the desert sun
has robbed me
of my own perception

burning shadows
stabbed my eyes
and stole her
from the moon’s reflection

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Drifting Into Ruin

our distance
belies summation

amid the sacred frivol
we chose
to quantify
ourselves

defiant
like the sentience
of existence

inundated
with the drivel
waning tides forgot
to tell

timeless dimensions
lay between
the worlds
within these walls

teemed with apprehension
we haplessly watch
verity unfurl

drifting
into ruin

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Transmuted

there are more thoughts
within this faint entropic masquerade
than will ever see the humility of expression
were that they could be fit for some metaphor
that might convey a sense of infinite eternity
alas, the landscape which bears the collective essence
of my earthly experience cycles in an orbit
as scant as the tip of this pen
I am but a mere fleck of fading ink
revolving around a feckless dash of happenstance
one that once saw fit to encompass
every fiber of my fleeting flesh
fortifying a form so feeble
with belief that life was far more
than just the sum of its paltry components
the feeling which fate is remissful to frivol
that which defines a purposeful flight
through this finite illusion
alluding to skies that touch freedom
where fear goes to rest
to say I had fallen would be folly
for such would imply that I was not
as flat to the ground when first I found footing
flooded with rains wrung from wrenched rumination
relinquishing all of my being
into hinterland arms of her wintry repose

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Great Big World*

beyond
my front door

lies a great
big world

more vast
than is humanly
comprehensible

a veritable cornucopia
of prospect propitious
and liberty endless

brimming
with untold
opportunity
and infinite possibility

for me

to swiftly
and precisely

meet
my ultimate
demise

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When Consciousness Comes Calling

there is a pang

when consciousness
comes calling

magnetic forces
disrupt the atmosphere

and dormant thoughts return
as torment ripples
throughout my being

with the ominous silence
of imminent shockwave

bearing the gravest
consequence of logic defied

tearing me
from the static sepsis
of my heart’s invasion

to answer its unbridled beckon
with blinded reckoning

as i shudder to behold
the untold tale
of my greatest failing

through portals of peridot
long dulled from life’s laments

sodden earth
from sullen stream

once culled from squalor
placed within the bezel
of my breast

and pulled me from this berth
by the undertow’s drag

jilted like sloughed slag

amid a mournful requiem
of shrill remorse

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The Silence of Forever

my spirit longs
to be the stars
that fill your sky

my heart would shine
reflections
of its truth

to lift you
up into a realm
where solace
sings redemption

that once
you laid upon me
by the mercy
of your kiss

but even vigilance
has lost its vested path

these broken roads
no longer
reach epiphany

as apathy
alone
absconds
with wistful dew

i thought
would one day
compose a river

through the valley
whence our love
had rent the earth

that i might sail
those tempestuous waters

in search
of where the willows
wept your name

but all my efforts
toiling at the pulley

have only returned
buckets
of morass

wrested hands
from years
of untold callous

now leave me
to attend
this ghostly shore

where sorrow comes
to lay for death
in prostrate

with arms
of clay stretched thin
succumbed to dust

once sought
to sway the forces
of the cosmos

with hope
to never stray
from its embrace

as mountains
birthed of mirthless
apprehension

would vanish
into the silence
of forever

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