Impending Perdure

the price of my caprice
is inauspiciously prohibitive
imperiled by the inconsistencies
of pendulous impart

indeed, it truly is
all in the starts
for nowhere else have i yet found
a piece of ground on which to stand

with future plans abandoned
for the lure of random flights of fancy
chance fortuitous is scant
if not willfully nullified

i cannot take anticipation
festering in feelings anxious
trudging through the vastness
of a vitreous evincing
just to breach the antithetical defeat
when peaks surpass their climax

in my desecrated temple
shroud of temporary skin
i feel impossibly content
despite the fact that i must die

let me rephrase that reference
not intended
to pertain to aimless ends
tending our finite state

instead, i will elucidate
my preference to be done and dead

alas, i simply am not one
for suicidal consummation
still, such thoughts are featured mainstays
in the live stream of my shrieking mind of untold terrors

it’s honestly quite difficult
to ascertain my disposition
confined to the influx of confusions fluctuating

“flaky” by their designation

really, what choice do i have
in trying take or leave it

having been bereaved of my own voice
without reprieve

without repeal

my needs and wants taunting
from the forest of forgone pretense

still, i will never conform
to consciously foregone conclusion

i commit to my delusions
in all of their deluge

as it is
in being human

freedom is an undertow
of such vapid vulgar idyll

it is all that one can do
to delve into the brimful cauldron
rife with all its vagaries

if i am to be brow-beaten
burdened, spurned, and turned to stone

to only then one day return
to naught from whence they swore i came

then save the sanity forsworn by wistful inner sanctum

let me flounder in a boundless glory!

begone with with all your ticking trinkets!

give life truth unedified!

for it is only i
who will be left to live
the whims persisting
in each pending moment
of perdure